Posted on September 15, 2008
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Recently, in a women’s therapy group that I run, the desire for fun and a change of pace over took me. I suggested that we deviate from some of our typical work and instead go around the room imagining a vacation treat designed to suit each woman’s desires.

It was fascinating to see how many marvelous vacation ideas quickly emerged. One woman wished to go to Mexico and South America to view the ruins and lie on the sun in beautiful beaches. Another woman wished to go to Greece and see the ancient ruins there and then slowly make her way through Europe. This could take a leisurely period of time, perhaps even a year. Another also wanted to go to Europe but to do other things, such as take gourmet cooking classes in the South of France and become somewhat fluent in several languages. Another woman opted for spas and other experiences to bring vitality to her body and ultimately her spirit. One person was in reality making plans to go to several meditative retreats over the next few months.

I was fascinated as each woman spoke and realized two things. First, I would have been a happy companion on any of the presented vacations. Each one sounded fulfilling, energizing and provided a change that would be good for me, as well as the person who thought of it.

Secondly, I realized how much each woman, no matter what her background or problems, yearned for change, adventure, getting to know strangers and other places, no matter how burdened by daily problems of relationships, children, money, etc.

How unique we all are — that’s for sure! Each vacation was strikingly different from the others, and yet how universal so many of our needs for replenishment are.

I hope you’ll take a few minutes now that spring has arrived fantasize to day dream about a wonderful vacation that you can create, at least in your mind. Take the adventure.

Please pass along your wonderful vacation ideas to us. I know we’ll all be stimulated and enjoy our magic carpets! Bon Voyage!

Part 2 – A Play Date With Vacation Ideas

Take a moment and jot down three fantasy spring or summer vacations you would love to take, if money and time were no object!
•         Where would you go?
•         Who would go with you?
•         What would you like to do?
•         How long would you like to be away?
•         What would you enjoy seeing … experiencing … discovering?
•         What would be the highpoint of your trip?

Enjoy your fantasy vacations. If you wish, go further and get some information on these places.
•         Would you like at least one to come true?
•         What steps would be necessary?

I leave the rest up to you — whether you simply daydream or bring about a new reality I wish you refreshing, fun thoughts.

Was She an Angel?

Posted on September 8, 2008
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Welcome to a world where happiness is a possible mental and emotional state at least a good part of the time.  Welcome to the Enchanted Self Positive Psychology Concepts where I teach you how to generate a life worth living that has meaning, value and integrity for you.  Unique to your mental wellness needs which may be different from any other person alive!  How do we overcome adversities that are part of life and still experience positive emotions most of the time?  The answers to the above are complex and full details can be found in my first book, The Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy.  However, one of the ways is to feel open to the concept of miracles.  When we see our universe as having great positive potential, and even the capacity for miracles, we are uplifted and hopeful.  I’m sharing a great miracle story with you today.  This is not a made up story!  Enjoy it and let it help you come closer to your own personal Enchanted Self!
by Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
 
Many years ago, Annie’s* great uncle, a furrier in the lower East Side of New York, was busy helping customers in his shop. The end of the day was coming quickly. Although eager for business, he was also eager to close his store, lock up and make his way through the crowds to his train. He was a man of precision and routine and always made a certain train. In fact, he always sat in a certain car. He would then take out his reading glasses, indulge in his daily newspaper’s late edition, relax and look forward to his loving wife waiting with a nourishing evening meal.

He had just breathed a sigh of relief as the last customer left, when an attractive older woman walked into the shop. Uncle Morris immediately felt a wave of anxiety. How could he be generous of spirit, perhaps give this woman all the time she needed, and yet still make his train? How could he explain that he needed to make his train? After all, a businessman is in business. She might only assume that one would stay open for a prospective customer.

Uncle Morris was plagued by these thoughts as he graciously began to assist the lady. Quickly it became apparent that this very lovely, older woman, beautifully attired in the finest woolen coat and hat, with fur trim and elegant long leather gloves was serious about a purchase of an expensive fur coat. She asked many relevant questions. She wanted to know the different types of pelts available, the styling that different pelts lent themselves to, the cost factor and the time factor in having a coat custom made.

Morris became more and more aware of the feeling of perspiration building up under his shirt collar. He was now acutely aware that he would probably miss his train. Suddenly, as he was feverishly working out the price of several different models for the customer, he looked up from his pad of paper. He noticed how much she resembled his dear departed mother. There was an uncanny resemblance. Something about her smile and her expression–especially the eyes!

Somehow this softened his heart as he felt a surge of love for his dear, departed mother.

His mood changed. He found himself intent upon helping this woman and quickly forgot his anxiety symptoms. He taught her a little bit about the different pelts. He showed her samples and gave her even more estimates. He stopped thinking about the time.

Ultimately she asked him to price a certain type of pelt in a certain style coat. She said that she would come back after he phoned her with the information and make the down payment. She gave him her phone number, thanked him profusely and left the store, with a smile and a nod goodbye.

As she left Morris glanced at his watch and of course without question, he had long missed his train. Still, he had enjoyed her company–and her smile! He put the information safely in a drawer, turned off the lights, double locked the door, brought down the steel safety window grid, set the alarm and walked to the train. He knew there was one in a half an hour that he would comfortably make.

He was astounded to find out that when he arrived at the train station that he would not be going home via the train. There were loud announcements telling people to go outside and instead take buses which would shortly be arriving.

Why? He couldn’t believe this. He was in shock as he learned that the train that he normally took, including the car that he normally sat in, had met with a terrible accident. There were many fatalities.

As he rode the bus home that night, he was trembling inside, so relieved to have been forced to take a later train ride.

A week or so later, Morris had checked on the pelts and the type of fur that the elegant, older lady had requested. He was ready to call her with the exact cost. He picked up the phone, dialing the number that she had left, only to be told by the operator that the number was not in service. “Oh well,” he thought to himself, “perhaps one of the digits is off even though she wrote it down herself for me. Let me check her name and address.”

He proceeded to do this and was told that there was no such address. He placed the receiver down, perplexed. He slowly formulated a thought that at first seemed impossible but then seemed close to probable. “That woman saved my life.” He said to himself. “It’s very odd that now she doesn’t seem to exist. Also, if she hadn’t looked like my mother, I probably would have been less polite. I might have even rushed her out and made every effort to make my train. I wonder if she was sent here by God to protect me?”

*names changed as requested.

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein quoted in a major national article on Happiness, On The Edge: The Happiness Craze

Posted on September 5, 2008
Filed Under Happiness, In The News, Positive psychology for women | 1 Comment

August 20, 2008
by Linda Formichelli

Happiness isn’t a new concept—Aristotle wrote about the topic more than 2,300 years ago and Thomas Jefferson included the “pursuit of happiness” as an unalienable right in the Declaration of Independence—but authors have been flocking to the subject in recent years, unleashing numerous prescriptions for well-being and joy that readers have eagerly purchased…

…Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, a licensed psychologist, wrote The Enchanted Self: A Positive Therapy in 1997 when the movement was just beginning. “That book was an instructional book for therapists and their clients to help create the paradigm shift necessary for positive psychology to be practiced in the treatment room,” she says. “I’m interested in how you teach someone to use their mind to retrieve a memory to create happiness in the present and future.”

In addition to teaching the topic, Holstein has been a student of happiness, following the many paths experts are taking to reach readers. “The people coming out of these different fields love humanity and are trying to help others by simplifying their work in order to be understood and be of use to the public,” she says, mentioning spiritual-based writers such as Marianne Williamson (The Age of Miracles), Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now) and the Dalai Lama (The Art of Happiness); other psychologists like Dan Baker (What Happy People Know) and Daniel Gilbert (Stumbling on Happiness); and more traditional self-help-style motivational authors like Alexandra Stoddard (Happiness for Two) and Jack Canfield (Chicken Soup for the Soul).

Read the entire article here.

Response to Happiness Blog

Posted on September 4, 2008
Filed Under Happiness, Positive psychology for women | 1 Comment

Dear Readers, 

 

I was so happy to see all the research going on by Dr. Veenhoven that is really international research on happiness.  In fact, I was so stirred that I answered as you can read below.  As you know, my emphasis is on Happiness for Women, and of course Girls.  Happiness is often just the same for women as for anyone else, but at other it can be very different.  That is because we are part of history, and as part of history we have absorbed messages for thousands of years about ourselves.  Not all those messages are to our advantage.  For example, to be perceived up less than 100 years ago in this country, as not worthy of casting a vote for the president of the United States, was not a healthy message.  It did not build up the egos and self-esteem of women.  In fact, how could a women perceive herself as having the potential to run for President of Vice-President, if she couldn’t even vote!  So every part of a women’s happiness is a reflection in part of the world she lives in.  With that said, here are the comments I left on The Happy Blog.

Thanks to David Pollay for interviewing Dr. Veenhoven.  As a positive psychologist, dedicated to helping to increase the experience of happiness in the lives of women and girls, I am thrilled to read this interview.  Having an international date bank on Happiness is a great contribution to the world.  I am a clinician and have utilized case study methods in determining what women most need to experience a sense of well-being  in mind, body and spirit, which we can define as ‘happiness’.  In my first book, The Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy I shared the results of my case study material and my treatment room case notes.  What I discovered is how much the community at large and women themselves dismiss their needs for happiness and the actual recognition of what makes them happy.  Societal pressures as major caretakers, etc. also block women’s capacities to insist on the resources in society and the personal recognition by family and themselves that it takes to build in the time, energy and wisdom to create enough windows of happiness in a woman’s life.  Since my first book I have developed the Seven Gateways to Happiness which give women an easy to start to value themselves and take the steps necessary to build in happiness.  Of course self-esteem and a personal wisdom as to what a particular woman needs for happiness are built into these steps which can be found on www.enchantedself.com.  My latest effort is a book for girls and moms, The Truth, I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything.  Positive Psychology ficiton in the form of a diary is my instrument this time to help girls value themselves and hold on to their talents, strengths and potential as they grow up.  Let’s keep the work and effort going worldwide on Happiness!  We all need lots of it. 

 

Thank you again, Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein

Becoming an Enchanted Self

Posted on September 1, 2008
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How do we obtain a life worth living?  How do we overcome adversity?  How can we experience positive emotions?  How do we stay in good mental health?  These are serious questions and to briefly answer them would be unfair to the reader.  But I can say as a positive psychologist, working in the treatment room with clients for almost thirty years, there is a kind of mental magic that you do need to be in touch with and learn how to utilize.  No, it is not the same kind of fairytale magic that Cinderella, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs represent, although certainly a trip to Disney World can be good for our mental health

Rather, I would say to you, “remember the magic” — the magic that exists within you. I call this your “personal magic.” Discovering your personal magic is as wondrous as watching the magic performed by magicians. The magician appears before us and eloquently recites a magic spell. With a flick of the wrist, people, animals, and objects disappear, and then reappear. Actually, we are all magicians. We can all conjure up magical moments from our past; and reinvent them in new and different ways that will have a positive and meaningful effect on our lives. It is not as easy as when Mary Poppins reaches into her magic carpet bag and pulls out a spoonful of sugar. Yet it is not hard. It just takes some learning, effort, and time.
For example, you may have positive memories relating to the summer season. Perhaps you stayed with grandparents at the shore, collected shells and caught fireflies. Or maybe you were the child who loved to fish or filled your days playing Monopoly on the porch with friends.

Reinventing these magical moments may mean buying or planting flowers, taking a horticultural class, learning to play bridge, going camping or sailing, or even spraying scented fragrances in your home that remind you of your grandparents garden.
For some of us, finding our own personal magic is a more difficult pursuit. It is similar to the magician who attempts to escape or separate from his or her locks and chains while trapped inside the confines of a small box. Many of us have experienced dysfunction or pain in our lives that may impede or prevent us from achieving states of well-being. For instance, Cinderella came from a dysfunctional household. Within all the turmoil and abuse her stepmother and stepsisters imposed upon her, she still managed to hold onto her hopes and dreams. She could separate from her misery with the help of her animal friends, focusing on things that gave her pleasure and joy. Meeting Prince Charming may not be high on your list of hopes and dreams, but having a fulfilling relationship with a spouse or friend may be.

Let’s get back to your ‘personal magic.’ Why not call that special friend that has been on your mind or arrange an evening out with your spouse? Why not get dressed up, go out to dinner or spend some quality time with someone?  And that someone can even be yourself.  Summer is a lovely season to simply be outside with those we care about. Why not go for a walk with someone special? These are all ways of recapturing the magic inside you.  How about going to the library or popping onto Amazon and getting yourself a read novel or inspirational book for summer reading?  Yes, this is your season. 
Cherish your rights to today.  And whenever in doubt as to what to do to have pleasure just look into your own treasure chest of memories and grab out a gem, i.e. something you have enjoyed in the past.  If you want to and can do it again, great.  If not, find a way to magically re-invent the interest so it fits you now.  You can do it!

Like the genie in Aladdins Lamp, You too possess magic. When You grant yourself permission to remember the magic that exists within you, you are well on the road to discovering your ENCHANTED SELF.

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